One of the great myths in our society is that sex naturally happens.  Sex does not naturally happen.  We start receiving messages about sex, about pleasure and about our bodies as early as infancy.  From a very young age we are conditioned on what sex is and what is ok to feel in our bodies.  

Beyond the conditioning we’ve received, which often puts a nervous system limit and heavy cortical control over what we allow ourselves to feel, we also tend to live our lives in a way that ends up being very anti-sex in the nervous system.

I can vividly remember sitting at my dad’s kitchen table the day we had “the talk”.

“Boys will try to pressure you to have sex, but don’t do it. No one wants to marry a girl who fools around”.

That was the extent of my birds and bees talk. The idea that my sexuality was mine and that I could do whatever I wanted with it was completely foreign to him. To my father my sexuality was something to be controlled in accordance with what society deemed respectable behavior for an unmarried woman.