If you’re like me, your New Year’s resolutions usually involve healthy behaviors you want to increase and guilty pleasures you want to decrease like… Save more money and spend less…  Workout more and drink less…  Cook more meals from home and eat out less… But New Year’s resolutions don’t have to be boring or monotonous… […]

One of the great myths in our society is that sex naturally happens.  Sex does not naturally happen.  We start receiving messages about sex, about pleasure and about our bodies as early as infancy.  From a very young age we are conditioned on what sex is and what is ok to feel in our bodies.  

Beyond the conditioning we’ve received, which often puts a nervous system limit and heavy cortical control over what we allow ourselves to feel, we also tend to live our lives in a way that ends up being very anti-sex in the nervous system.

Ready to Become a ‘Heart Foreplay Master’?

As someone who has devoted my entire adult life to helping individuals and couples communicate effectively, I consider my own communication skills to be stellar.  

So you can imagine my surprise and irritation when my partner would retreat instead of engage when I peppered him with questions like…

How are you feeling about…? 

When will you be ready to talk about…?

Tell me more about…

You know that one thing your partner does…

That you would LOVE if they did a tiny bit differently…?

Or that fantasy you’ve had for years that you’d really love to act out with your current lover?

Well, how exactly do you ask for these things without making them feel like they’ve been missing the mark the entire time??

Trust me, it’s a science, an exact one…

I consider myself to be relatively self confident…except when it comes to love. The minute I develop more than friend vibes for someone, I feel myself reverting to that insecure little girl in need of constant reassurance that I will not be hurt.

I can vividly remember sitting at my dad’s kitchen table the day we had “the talk”.

“Boys will try to pressure you to have sex, but don’t do it. No one wants to marry a girl who fools around”.

That was the extent of my birds and bees talk. The idea that my sexuality was mine and that I could do whatever I wanted with it was completely foreign to him. To my father my sexuality was something to be controlled in accordance with what society deemed respectable behavior for an unmarried woman.